Outlining 101
“Professor” Rj Waltz
Class! Settle the hell down, already! Daddy has a headache and wants to get through this as quickly as possible.
“Professor Daddy” Rj Waltz
Oh, geez. Please don’t call me that in public. That’s for the dirty time. Anyway, as your newly appointed “Professor Daddy,” I’m here to teach you all you probably need to know about outlining. But, first, my notes are screaming at me to give out a little disclaimer for this course. So, you know, listen up. While writing your rough draft, you should really come to terms with the very real fact that it’s complete and total garbage. I’m almost sorry to be the one to tell you that, but there isn’t a damn writer alive who can write a rough draft that isn’t the worst writing in the history of the world. It’s just part of the job. Think of it in a more visible medium, if that helps. I compare it to dumping sand into a sandbox or chopping off one of those huge sticky gray blocks of clay and mashing it into a ball of various lumps. I’m telling you about this because I don’t want anybody to show off their rough draft to any soul in the world. Doing this will completely ruin your dreams. That raw rough draft is only for your eyes. Got it? Good. Where was I? Oh, right. Outlining.
There are a lot of approaches to outlining. Most popular things usually have to do with bullet points, chapter descriptions, a little piece of paper with the scrawlings of a mad witch on their 23rd month of seancing… The list is truly endless. The one thing that all of these outline techniques have in common is that they help keep you on track in case you get stuck. I know, I know. I can hear the “Pantser” side of the room groaning in audible pain. Stay back! I have a crappy desk chair and I am mostly not afraid to use it. Man, why couldn’t I be Indiana Jones? He has a whip and everything. Well, he did fight Nazis. Look, guys, I will tell you the same thing whether you worship the mighty God of Order, Plottimus, or the chaotic Goddess of madness, Pansysimus. (I think I just made up two horrible STDs for someone.) If you get stuck while writing your rough draft and put your story away for longer than a week, it’s probably dead in the water. That week will turn into months, into years, into the Great White Buffalo manuscript that you never got to finish. I have like, what, eight of those? Man, I’m bad at commitment.
If you have the barest of outlines, then you always have the knowledge of where the story is headed. The whole point of all of this crap I’m spewing is to help you finish the damn rough draft. Once the book is finished, it can then be re-edited into a shiny ball of polished aluminum that takes up space in your garage. I can’t tell you which kind of outline that you are supposed to use, because everybody is different and their beautiful little brains all work in different ways. No size fits all. But I will tell you what works for me. Well, it works about seventy percent of the time, anyway. Which is pretty good for me. When I was a much poorer man, I spend my entertainment budget of (like $20 per month) on DVD television series box sets. In case you’re privileged enough to not know what I’m talking about, pretend I’m talking about Netflix or something. Every box set has a little description for each episode in the season to let their customers know what happens in each one. Not unlike Cliffnotes, now that I think about it. Man, I feel so old right now. Anybody want to give me some of their young blood? I hear that works wonders. I shouldn’t start rumors about that stuff, otherwise…
“Professor Vampire Daddy” Rj Waltz
That’s gonna be eight miles long before my course is over. In my younger brain, I thought that the episode descriptions were a pretty good idea, and I tried doing the same thing for each chapter. Basically, I write down the beginning and ending in case I get distracted by something shiny and don’t do an outline in one sitting. Usually, I try and do an entire book’s outline in one sitting so it can stay as consistent as possible. I grab my handy dandy OneNote notebook and make thirty subpages for each book, all underneath a main book page. I’m currently using OneNote 2016 until Microsoft pries it out of my cold, undead hand. It’s not my fault! It’s the only version I can find that allows collapsible subpages. Once I have a good feel for where I want the book to go, I do a DVD box set chapter description of each chapter. That way, when I get lost in the rabbit hole that is my own brain, I can go back to what past me had planned for the book so I can continue trudging on through the slog of trying to write a book. Now, I’m not saying that you can’t change your mind about your super meticulous, bullet-journaled outline with custom hand-made bubble fonts. I’ve rewritten that damn Hope book so much that I’m pretty sure it’s eight different books. Yeah, I’m calling you out, unpublished work of mine. That’s right. You’d better… stay unpublished. I really can’t win against myself, can I. My point is that, if during the editing stage, you decide that the manuscript’s structure is terrible, you can still change it. You know, later. That’s future you’s problem. Stay focused, and trust your outline.
If my suggestion doesn’t sound good for your purposes, I’m not going to care much about you ripping my heart out and stomping on it. There are literally countless outline structures that you can use. Or, you know, you could ignore everybody and scribble plot points in webdings until your fingernails blister. It’s your book, so you can do whatever helps you the absolute most. All your outline is is a love letter to your future self to help you tell this story you desperately need to get out of your head. What I’m telling you is that you’ll need a map for when you’re out there in the thicket. These metaphors are really getting away from me. For the record, I personally only use OneNote for my outline. Reason is, it has a mobile app that syncs so I can literally work on my book almost anywhere in the world if I feel so inclined. I’m realizing that I’m really into syncs. This lesson has really gotten way kinkier than I meant it to. If I were a real teacher, I’d be getting crucified by now.
Alright, class. The headache has overtaken the better half of my brain and is now boring into my unhealthy, Dr. Pepper ruined teeth. It’s homework time. Your homework, should you choose to accept it, is to find a suitable outline structure for your novel. It can be from the wide open plains of the internet, or you could make up something you like. After you’ve made your selection, try and outline your book using your shiny new writer’s tool. You can be as vague or as specific as you want. I’d recommend a sentence or two for each chapter to help you be specific, if you need it. If you want to be a pantser with the meat and potatoes of your story, then all you really need (aside from a visor to hide your eyes from the judging looks of your peers) is a beginning and an end. If you have any questions, feel free to email them to me. Once my teeth retract from the roof of my sinus cavity, I’ll try and answer them. Any objections? Thrown fruit? Bags of blood? No? Good.
Class dismissed!
